How Can Black Women Come Of Age When They Aren’t Granted Their Innocence In The First Place?
How Can Black Women Come Of Age When They Aren’t Granted Their Innocence In The First Place?
Hello everyone! It is day 1 of International Women's History Month! This is a beautiful time to be celebratory of all women; however, during this month it is also important to tap into the inequality women go through—especially Black women. Let us begin to explore the topic of Black women coming of age, living in their truth, and what that looks like for many. We will also cover some tips on how we can assist all black girls and Black women.
How can black women come of age when they aren’t granted their innocence in the first place? Being that society already consistently hypersexualizes black women and even black men at such a young age, why when a black woman is of age and decides to embrace her body, sexuality, voice, and overall, her true self as a woman shamed for embracing?
These toxic, contradicting, racist, misogynistic, and sexiest societal standards are detrimental to black women's mental health. Simply put, Black women are not allowed to be comfortable while embracing everything about themselves, especially on social media like women from different races. Spectating and shaming of black women's bodies and behaviors have been going on for centuries.
Take, for instance, Chloe and Halle Bailey, also popularly known as "ChloexHalle" The singing duo was just 15 (Chloe) and 13 (Halle) back in 2013 when Beyonce discovered them on YouTube signing a cover of her ballad "Pretty Hurts." In 2015 she signed them to her Parkwood Entertainment Label and began mentoring them. They have always had teenage-friendly music, such as albums "The Two of Us" and "The Kids Are Alright."
Just last year, in 2020, they began to embrace themselves as young women in the industry. Their coming-of-age transition was easily seen within their latest album, "The Ungodly Hour." Their visuals and performances began to show them as young women truly. Keep in mind these young ladies last year were now 21 and 19 years old—both "of age."
The duo got a lot of pushback regarding their transition. They often had to explain the meaning of their album. They stated:
“I saw where something that said does the Ungodly Hour mean demon time? No, sorry. No, we came up with this title; how long ago? October of 2019. And guys, we love God, and we're very spiritual, but let’s explain what the album title is about. So Ungodly Hour, you know I feel like most people see us as like these little angels, and you know you never really see our imperfections or like our flaws that we kind of keep to ourselves.”
“So you know, Ungodly Hour is figuratively speaking where its that time where its okay to be vulnerable and the time when it’s okay not to be perfect all the time, so that's why it called Ungodly Hour. We wanted to kind of shift the narrative that everyone kind of has in their brains of us, you know, they kind of have this picture of us. Every time we perform anywhere or do interviews, everybody is like, "aww, you guys are such angels," and that's really sweet; we love that compliment, but we wanted to take that and use it for this album and switch it into, okay well let’s show you guys the side that's not perfect."
That was not the first time the young ladies had to explain their transition of image. They still have to guard themselves against the backlash and shunning that is consistently portrayed to them.
The young ladies have always been seen as a duo to the world—they shared one Instagram, performed on social media at home together, and in public up until recently within this new year. To keep their supporters updated with one another while Halle films as ‘Ariel’ for ‘Little Mermaid’ in London and Chloe is at home in Los Angeles, they officially created separate Instagram accounts.
Since this slight transition of individuality, Chloe Bailey has received a lot of backlash and misogynistic comments. She has been receiving such hatred due to her expressing what she calls “embracing her sexy, self-confidence, acceptance, and self-love." This is portrayed through her recent pictures and videos on social media. Chloe even spoke up on social media and was very emotional, stating:
“When I perform and make music, and when I dance, that is when I get to tap into the sexier side of myself, and that’s where I find my confidence. So, it really means a lot to me when I can finally get to a place where I can share who I really am. I am finally at a place where I can share that with you all, and I think it's so important and so special when a black woman can be strong and stand in her power in every way. I do it musically with my songwriting; I feel so badass. I get the same feeling when I just dance, and my room and I just own who I am, and my body.”
So yet again, why, when black women finally feel self-confident, accept their true selves, and embrace their sexy identity, are they attacked and continually having to explain? Chloe Bailey’s recent battle is a vivid depiction of how black women in our society consistently struggle with the mental and physical battles of self-image to society, self-love, self-confidence, feeling like a woman, etc.
It was certainly challenging for me personally to overcome misogynistic attacks as I was coming into a woman. This occurred at such a young age, in middle school, yes, middle school. Often, when I started to feel confident in my preteen years, I would get teased in an opposing way by boys—for not being as womanly developed as my peers; even my girl peers that were very developed would still get teased as well. It was like, no matter if you’re are coming into your womanly body or not, there was still shaming.
From those circumstances, I will say I grew a voice, an unapologetic and assertive voice. Still, young black girls should not have to go through traumatic experiences to be understood and develop a voice— but it happens that way too often. When you are growing physically and mentally (which is throughout life), you should be uplifted at all stages of development, not torn down and forced to battle others' attacks. Black women deserve to feel mentally and physically free and confident without shaming and explaining. How can we help shift the damaging effects of belittling and shaming that black women encounter daily as black healers and clinicians? How can we empower girls and women to be unapologetically themselves?
1. Verbally acknowledge, validate, and help them hone their strengths.
We need not only to acknowledge and validate the experiences of girls and women, but we should also recognize areas of strength they have. When we recognize strengths that a child or woman has, we need to take heed and help them turn their strengths into powerful circumstances.
2. Encourage them to challenge themselves. Provide guidance. Do whatever must be done, but don’t let them give up!
When people encounter challenges, they build resilience to overcome the presenting challenges and the many that follow after. We must encourage them never to give up, no matter what it looks like.
3. Create and refer them to spaces that pour positivity into them
As a young girl, my mom signed me up for a non-profit organization called Sporty Girls Inc. It was specifically designed to encourage personal growth and development of girls' life skills through participation in non-traditional sports like golf, tennis, soccer, swimming, and lacrosse. Reference to organizations similar as such could help change the lives of girls and women.
4. Support Black-owned literature that is uplifting to little girls and women
There are many books and novels that can be used to help uplift black girls and women. To name a few:
“Amelia to Zora: Twenty-Six Women Who Changed the World” by Cynthia Chin-Lee
“Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters: An African Tale” by John Steptoe
“Amazing Grace” by Mary Hoffman
“I Can Do it Too!” By Karen Baicker
“A Black Women Did That” by Malaika Adero
“Well-Read Black Girl” by Glory Edim
“No Disrespect” by Sister Souljah
“Stolen Women: Reclaiming our sexuality, Taking Back Our Lives” by Dr. Gai; Elizabeth Wyatt
“Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America” by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden, Ph. D.
Thank you for taking the time to read this meaningful post. We hope that it inspires you to continue to empower, heal, and assist with developing strong voices within young Black girls and women!
This blog was inspired by Chloe Bailey Deserves Better— All Black Women Do
Tips Source: Veronica Chapman, Young Black & Giving Back Institute
Written by: Cikylie C. Brooks, M.S.
Clinical Psychology Doctoral Extern