Whom Can I Love When They Tell Me I Can’t Love Myself? How Could I Possibly Love Someone Else?
*Disclaimer*: This blog is about heteronormative individuals; however, we stand in solidarity with the LGBTQIA+ community.
“Some things we can't explain. Why do we act this way? Why don't we make it easier for the world to change someday? Sometimes I contemplate, some things my heart can't take. Why do we hurt one another? Fight our brother, kill, and rape?” – Brent Faiyaz, American singer-songwriter and record producer. These are lyrics from the song entitled, “Let Me Know.”
Click here to listen to the song before continuing to read
The title of this post and the lyrics previously mentioned is more than just a catchy song; it’s powerful. Who can Black men love when they have been taught through society’s institutions that they can’t love themselves, let alone their families properly? What benefit is the Black man to the Black women, his children, his community if he is constantly put in a box and set up to struggle?
According to the National Institute on Minority Mental Health and Disparities: “Brother You’re on My Mind” Initiative, it was expressed that African American men and their families neglecting mental health needs can be devastating. When mental disorders like depression, PTSD, and anxiety go untreated, it can cause detrimental effects to themselves, Black Women, Black children, their communities, and so forth.
It was stated that African American men's social circumstances could contribute to developing a mental illness. Their social circumstances also make them more vulnerable to drug or alcohol use, homelessness, incarceration, divorce, homicide, and suicide. African Americans are more likely to experience economic distress, racism, and other social circumstances that increase their chances of developing depression or other mental illnesses.
The organization Active Minds recognizes that everyone heals in different ways and has listed several resources to support Black men. The list includes resources for
· Those who heal through community building
· Those who heal through understanding,
· Those who heal through listening
· Those who heal through reading
· Those who heal through learning
· & For those who heal through educating
Click here to view a more detailed description of each resource
There has been a long history of people in power removing Black fathers from their households and even putting Black men in the position to become mentally checked out and choose to remove themselves. Removal of the Black man from his family system has been proven to be unhealthy to the black family, community, leadership, and more. So, tell me, how can the black man be truly healthy and provide a healthy foundation for others if he is surrounded by such inhumane treatment, harsh policies, mental health disparities, stigma, and so much more?
According to the Statista Research Department, in 2019, there were about 4.15 million Black families in the United States with a single mother. They stated that this increased from 1990 levels when there were about 3.4 million Black families with a single mother.
Here are some valuable resources can be used to assist:
Single Mothers in Illinois
Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)
Free Food Banks
Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF)
General Assistance (GA)
Child Care Assistance Program
Illinois Mortgage Help and Foreclosure Assistance
Emergency Rent Assistance and Low Income Housing
Housing and Rent Assistance Vouchers
Debt Consolidation, Loan Repayment, and/or Credit Counseling
Illinois Cares Rx Basic and
All Kids (formerly KidCare and Medicaid)
FamilyCare
Access to Care
Nicor Gas Reconnect Assistance
Click Here for a detailed description of each resource.
We need our Black men! The key to minimizing familial, income, and leadership disparities for both the Black man and Black woman is to heighten mental and physical opportunities and lessen discrimination, stereotypes, and stigma.
Healthier outcomes for the Black man contribute to healthier partnerships with the Black women, family, and community, creating intergenerational outcomes. There is certainly an overlap within significant improvement needs; if our men have a healthy foundation, our women can be healthier and pursue greater things for their families and their communities, vice versa.
Thanks for reading! Please feel free to interact with us via Instagram or email and let us know your views and thoughts.
Statistic Resources: Mental Health Snap Shot of African American Men, Active Minds: Supporting Black Men’s Mental Health
Written by: Cikylie C. Brooks, M.S.
Clinical Psychology Doctoral Extern